dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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