oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
