then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
