if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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