I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize