Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
