I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
