Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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