just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
