Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
