did you get engaged???
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
