I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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