Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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