he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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