I think my vagina is haunted
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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