Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
