dude i'm inner monologue high
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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