It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
