life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
