I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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