My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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