when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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