Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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