drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
