I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
