uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
