Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
