She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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