I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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