There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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