so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
