I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
