Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
