I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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