Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
