My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
