o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
