Please, let me fuck your mom
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
