I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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