his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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