tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
