More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
