No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
