Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
