Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
