Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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