I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
