false alarm. still invincible.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
