Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
