I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
