Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize