If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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