As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
