You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
