We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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