she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
