I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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