You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this boner is exhausting
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
