Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize