goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
