Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
