i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize