Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
