Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
