did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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