Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
