I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
