Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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