tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
