The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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