i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
