Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
