just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
