This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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