He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
