the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
