Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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